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This weeks article is slightly different thanks firstly to the birth of my son Adam on Friday morning and secondly a realization I had along my journey of self development.
“Other things may change us, but we start and end with family” - Anthony Brandt
Firstly, along with the birth of my first child comes a whole lot of change, and I can either embrace it or stress myself out and resist it. And the same applies to all aspects of change. A lot of us are so comfortable with our life as it is that the minute something happens that takes us out of our comfort zone we become anxious, which leads to stress, which leads to health problems, which leads to more stress, until one day we are so worked up we can't even remember where it all started. The sooner we can all learn to embrace change, the sooner we will find peace and harmony, after all, change is inevitable and there is nothing we can do to stop it. Think of a surfer, the difficult part is fighting against the waves and getting out to the breakers, the easy part is riding the wave back to the shore. So ride the waves of change in life, and have fun doing it.
“Life is change. Growth is optional. Choose wisely.” - Karen Kaiser Clark
Secondly, my blog has always been about how we are responsible for our own lives, which we are, but I have come to realize we are cannot create our life alone. My wife and I did not create Adam alone, we had help, our creator helped us create a new life. We co-created. With this realization comes more change. I will be renaming my blog to 'Co-Creative Living' and at the same time I will be gradually moving it to a new system, one which I find more flexible and easier to use. To check it out click here. (Let me know what you think of my new blog please...)
“Change is the only constant” - Proverb quotes
I look forward to sharing many more articles on Co-Creative Living with you, have an awesome week.
“Our attitude toward life determines life's attitude towards us.” - John N. Mitchell
If you had told me this ten years ago I would've thought you were nuts, fortunately I have opened my mind a lot more and started learning more about life. Back then I had a very negative attitude, some of my friends would even say to me, 'Stop being so negative.' My reply would be, 'I'm not being negative, just realistic.' What a load of rubbish. So many of us have this victim mentality, we believe we have no control, or limited control over our life. We get out of bed every morning and believe we just have to deal with whatever life throws at us every day. Well guess what, if that's what we believe, then that's what is going to happen. If we want it to change we need to change our attitude.
I had such a bad attitude that I refused to expect good things to happen to me. My philosophy was, 'Don't expect good things to happen and you won't be disappointed'. And that's exactly what happened, fortunately nothing really bad happened, but I often wonder how different things would be if my attitude had been different. I can't change the past so I am just truly grateful that I have been introduced to the truth.
“Having a positive mental attitude is asking how something can be done rather than saying it can't be done.” - Bo Bennett
Changing an attitude is like changing any habit. It's difficult at first, but as you get used to it, it becomes easier. It also helps to have the right support group. If you want to develop a positive attitude, but continue to socialise with negative people then everything becomes that much tougher. Another hurdle is what I call the 'waiting game'. A lot of us are waiting for something to happen, then we'll change. Fortunately it doesn't work that way, we need to change our attitude first.
“Happiness is an attitude. We either make ourselves miserable, or happy and strong. The amount of work is the same.” - Francesca Reigler
Life is all about choices, and choosing eventually becomes an attitude. When someone does something that annoys me, in the traffic for example, I choose the way I react to it. I can choose to let it upset me or I can choose to let it go. Some of you might say, 'I just can't help it.' That's like saying, 'Someone else controls me.' They usually send people like that for observation. Take control of your life, start by developing a healthy attitude.
“You cannot control what happens to you, but you can control your attitude toward what happens to you, and in that, you will be mastering change rather than allowing it to master you.” - Brian Tracy
“Nothing can stop the man with the right mental attitude from achieving his goal; nothing on earth can help the man with the wrong mental attitude.” - Thomas Jefferson
Writing this article reminded me of an article I read a while back, 'Be Here Now' by Terry Winchester. Click here to read the article, and be honest with yourself while reading it....
“Life can either be accepted or changed. If it is not accepted, it must be changed. If it cannot be changed, then it must be accepted.” - Unknown
This is a very difficult concept to grasp, even for me, but thankfully I am finally coming to grips with it. Most of us spend so much time and effort trying to change the things we can't, and when we finally realize how futile it is we're too old to appreciate life to it's fullest.
And what it the one thing we try to change the most? Other people.
I was at a lovely wedding this weekend, and the sermon and speeches all had the same message, acceptance. I believe our divorce rate would be far lower if we all understood this simple concept. If we can't accept the way our partner is before we get married, don't get married. If we go into our marriage thinking we can change something about our partner, we will spend most of our time being miserable. The more we try and change someone, the more they will dig their heels in and resist. Acceptance is the key. If we accept our partner, friends, family, colleagues, etc the way they are, they will be far more open to suggestion.“Consider how hard it is to change yourself and you'll understand what little chance you have in trying to change others.” - UnknownMost people go to see psychiatrists hoping to be fixed or have their problems sorted out. Many stop going because it doesn't happen. A psychiatrist can't change you, they can only give you guidance on how to deal with certain situations, change has to come from within.
The bottom line is this. We have no right to change someone else, who are we to think we know what is best for someone else? All we can do is offer guidance. And another thing, people change far easier when they feel safe and secure, so if you feel you can offer guidance to someone, make sure it is in a safe and secure environment.
I wish people would spend half the time and effort they spend on others, on themselves.
“If you don't create change, change will create you.” - Unknown
And one last thing. Never expect something from someone else if you aren't willing to do the same thing yourself.
Below is one of my favorite quotes, and if you really think about it, adopting this attitude can change your life immensely.
"When you change the way you look at things... the things you look at change" - Dr Wayne W. Dyer
Have an awesome week.
“Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.”
- Albert Einstein
Are most of us insane? According to this quote we are. We do the same things day after day and expect our life to change in some miraculous way. And if you think about it logically this quote is spot on. How can something change unless we try something different?
So why is it that most of us find change so difficult? It all has to do with that persistent little thing called ego. We are comfortable in our routine life and fearful of what might happen if we try something new.
“The key to change... is to let go of fear.”
- Rosanne Cash
What is it that we are fearful of? well, there are a number of things, but most of us fear loosing our perceived identity. We think that who we are is determined by what other people think of us, we fear that by changing, our friends and family won't like us anymore. In my humble opinion, any friend or family member who has a problem with you changing for the better and becoming a happier person is not a true friend. It is a very selfish relationship that doesn't encourage wanting what is best for the other person.
“Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending.”
- Maria Robinson
And when it comes to our professional lives, the same applies. We could all do with a bit more money, but how can you expect to get more by doing the same thing day after day. And here fear is a huge factor. What happens if I try something new and fail? What will people think?
According to the bible, no human being has the right to judge another, yet we do it all the time. When we gossip about other people, we are actually judging them, and gossip is out of control at the moment, but more will be said about that in a future article.
So, if you are wanting something different in your life, be it emotionally, financially, spiritually or for your health. Start doing something about it. What do you REALLY have to loose?
“Be the change you want to see in the world.”
- Mahatma Gandhi
“God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.”
- Reinhold Niebuhr
