“Don't tell your problems to people: eighty percent don't care; and the other twenty percent are glad you have them” - Lou Holtz
We all have problems, some of us have bigger, more complicated problems than others, or so we think. You see, all problems are relative, relative to the person perceiving the problems, and relative to the situation. Why is it that we like to talk about our problems so much, and why is it that we all feel so empowered when talking to others about their problems? I have always wondered why people talk about the same problems over and over again, and I found a simple explanation in an unlikely book. People enjoy their problems, and they enjoy talking about their problems because it makes them feel united, it's almost like a bonding experience.
The really sad thing is that when you ask someone what they have done about a certain problem, most of them will say they don't know what to do. And even sadder is that they haven't even bothered to try and find out what can be done. The only logical explanation to that can be that the problem really isn't a problem, just something they like to talk about....... or is it?
“People don’t want their lives fixed. Nobody wants their problems solved. Their dramas. Their distractions. Their stories resolved. Their messes cleaned up. Because what would they have left? Just the big scary unknown.” - Chuck Palahniuk
This quote explains a lot. Some of us can't imagine what our lives would be like if we didn't have problems, what on earth would we talk about? What would we do with our spare time? Some of us are even defined by our problems. So what types of problems are there?
Financial problems - possible solution, adjust your current lifestyle?
Health problems - possible solution, seek advice from a trustworthy source?
Weight problems - possible solution, change your diet, start exercising, see a dietitian?
Relationship problems - possible solution, seek counselling?
Personal problems - possible solution, life coaching?
Work problems - possible solution, change your career, job, speak to HR?
The list goes on......, but what we all need to realize is that there is always a solution to a problem, no matter how big it may seem at the time.
“Focus 90% of your time on solutions and only 10% of your time on problems.” - Anthony J. D'Angelo
Most of us spend most of our time mulling over a problem trying to find a solution, and most of the time when we stop mulling, the solution comes to us. I often catch myself getting stuck on a problem, so I decide to take a break or do something else for a few minutes and the answer usually comes to me, and I also always try to look at things differently, which really annoys my family and friends. A lot of my family and friends will see a problem and I'll see a solution, the reason they get annoyed, well, they can't talk about the problem any more.....
“We can't solve problems by using the same kind of thinking we used when we created them.” - Albert Einstein
Now for the controversial part of my article. Did you know that most of the problems we have in our lives we created ourselves? 'But I didn't cause the current global financial crisis!' you may say. Well actually, you did, we all did in some small way. The human race is responsible for it and if you aren't part of the human race, I'd love to meet you. And the more personal the problem, the more responsible we are. Take our health for example, unless the problem is hereditary, we are responsible for it. (Even hereditary problems can be cured if done correctly!)
“The way we see the problem is the problem” - Stephen R. Covey
So why are there problems? I believe problems exist to let us know we are doing something wrong. If I have a health problem, it's my bodies way of telling me there is something wrong with my thinking. You see, only our mind can create, our body can't create without our mind telling it to do so. If I have a financial problem, it's because I have been creating lack in my life, and so on...
Take responsibility for your life, start by being grateful for what you have, stop giving your problems so much power over your life by talking about them less, and try to see the positive side to seemingly negative situations. Your problems will gradually start to disappear, and you can enjoy life on this wonderful planet we call home. That's why we are here, to enjoy our lives!
I leave you this week with one of my favourite quotes...
“If your happiness depends on what somebody else does, I guess you do have a problem.” - Richard Bach
Monday, February 23, 2009
Monday, February 16, 2009
Beliefs
“I would never die for my beliefs because I might be wrong.” - Bertrand Russell
Oh boy, this is a really touchy subject, but one I love to discuss. Did you know that there are over 40 religions in the world? Which one is right? Well, that all depends on who you are talking to. If you are talking to a Christian, obviously Christianity must be right, if you are talking to a Jew, then Judaism must be right, and so on.... and yes, there are extremists who will die to defend their beliefs.
What would happen to society if a discovery was made that proved all religions to be wrong in their teachings? Would us humans be able to cope? You see, all religious beliefs are based on faith, none of us were there to witness what actually happened so we believe what we are told, and the sad thing is, this extends beyond religion. I could start a rumour right now and if I could get enough people to believe it, it wouldn't matter if it was the truth or not.
“If you don't change your beliefs, your life will be like this forever. Is that good news?” - William Somerset Maugham
The good news is that we can change our beliefs whenever we want to. (In the past we might have been burned on the cross! Isn't it a shame that humans were killed by other humans because their beliefs didn't conform to the norm at the time....) And I'm not only talking about religious beliefs, I'm talking about self beliefs too.
I was raised as a christian and went to an Anglican church, but I never felt comfortable going to an Anglican church, so I started going to a non-denominational church which I really enjoyed for a while. Now I don't go to church at all because there are just some aspects and teachings I feel uncomfortable with. Does this make me a bad person? The sad thing is, you are probably judging me as you read this, doing the exact opposite of what the bible teaches.
"Judge not, and ye shall not be judged: condemn not, and ye shall not be condemned: forgive, and ye shall be forgiven:" - Luke 6:37
Enough about religious beliefs, lets get to self beliefs. If I believe I am useless at something, guess what, I will be. It doesn't matter if all my family and friends tell me otherwise, what I believe is what really matters.
“All personal breakthroughs begin with a change in beliefs.” - Anthony Robbins
Most of our self beliefs come from the way we were raised as children. Fortunately as adults we have the power to believe whatever we want to, the problem is that most of us are unaware of our self beliefs. To find out what our self beliefs are, we need to ask some pretty difficult questions, and even more importantly, answer them honestly!
Do I respect myself?
Does it show in the way I behave?
Does it show in the way I dress?
Does it show in the way I eat & drink?
Do I love myself? (not the arrogant kind of love, the caring kind of love.)
Does it show in my love for others?
Am I a good partner/husband/wife/father/mother?
Am I good at my job?
The list goes on....
If you are in a relationship, ask your partner to answer the questions too, if there are any differences, they need to be discussed. It's no good if I believe I'm a good husband and my wife disagrees. And don't let the discussion become emotional, it's just a discussion, not a life threatening event.
“The outer conditions of a person's life will always be found to reflect their inner beliefs.” - James Allen
"Just because you believe it, doesn't mean it's the truth." - Brynn Thomas
"Believe and your belief will create the fact." - William James
I read some disturbing news yesterday. More humans have died at the hands of other humans than through natural disasters!
What is wrong with us?
Monday, February 9, 2009
Adjacent Possibilities
“The possibilities are numerous once we decide to act and not react.” - George Bernard Shaw
Have you ever heard the term 'Adjacent Possibilities"? I hadn't, until the latest book I'm reading. I don't mean to alarm you, but we are where we are today because of all the decisions we have made, conscious & unconscious. There is no one else to blame, they have all been our decisions. We have all made decisions we have regretted at some point in our lives, but they can't be changed, we have hopefully learned form them. Can you imagine where you would be right now if you had made a different decision at some turning point in your life?
That's what adjacent possibilities is all about. Our current thoughts have adjacent possibilities running alongside them all the time, some better, some worse. And we can always choose which ones to follow. If you like the current thought, stick to it, or choose an even better one, if you don't like it, definitely choose a better one.
“The vast possibilities of our great future will become realities only if we make ourselves responsible for that future.” - Gifford Pinchot
Now most of us would say, 'I can't help what I'm thinking or feeling!'. If that's the case, we are currently living what is known as a reactionary emotional existence. Let me explain, when we wake up in the morning we can either decide to have a good day, or we could let the day decide for us. If I get up in the morning and decide that today is going to be a good day and I walk out the bedroom door and kick my toe, two adjacent possibilities are present. I could either get angry and say to myself, 'If that's how my day is starting, the rest is going to be a disaster!' OR I could silently scold myself for being clumsy and just tell myself to be more careful in future. If I had reacted angrily without thinking it would have been an emotional reaction. Some of us go through our whole day reacting to every situation as it occurs in which case we are living a reactionary emotional existence.
“The vast possibilities of our great future will become realities only if we make ourselves responsible for that future.” - Gifford Pinchot
To start becoming responsible for our own lives, we need to understand how life really works. I could buy the most powerful computer in the world, but it would just be piece of junk if I didn't know how to use it. I often have discussions about my belief system, and I have often been told my mind is 'too open'. All I want to find out is the truth, and to find the truth I have to have an open mind. Why do I want to find out the truth? Because I want to live the best life I possibly can, and to do that I need to get as close to my creator as I possibly can. But that's a discussion all on it's own!
“Stop thinking in terms of limitations and start thinking in terms of possibilities” - Terry Josephson
Every time I need to make a conscious decision I remind myself of the adjacent possibilities, and I always try to choose the thoughts that bring me feelings of joy and happiness, and if something bad is happening and I feel I have no control over it, I look for the lesson or the best possible outcome and then I let it go. Why don't you start choosing your thoughts and emotional reactions, it really is empowering, and the more you do it, the easier it becomes, just like any other habit.
“The optimist lives on the peninsula of infinite possibilities; the pessimist is stranded on the island of perpetual indecision.” - William Arthur Ward
“Limitations live only in our minds. But if we use our imaginations, our possibilities become limitless.” - Jamie Paolinetti
Have you ever heard the term 'Adjacent Possibilities"? I hadn't, until the latest book I'm reading. I don't mean to alarm you, but we are where we are today because of all the decisions we have made, conscious & unconscious. There is no one else to blame, they have all been our decisions. We have all made decisions we have regretted at some point in our lives, but they can't be changed, we have hopefully learned form them. Can you imagine where you would be right now if you had made a different decision at some turning point in your life?
That's what adjacent possibilities is all about. Our current thoughts have adjacent possibilities running alongside them all the time, some better, some worse. And we can always choose which ones to follow. If you like the current thought, stick to it, or choose an even better one, if you don't like it, definitely choose a better one.
“The vast possibilities of our great future will become realities only if we make ourselves responsible for that future.” - Gifford Pinchot
Now most of us would say, 'I can't help what I'm thinking or feeling!'. If that's the case, we are currently living what is known as a reactionary emotional existence. Let me explain, when we wake up in the morning we can either decide to have a good day, or we could let the day decide for us. If I get up in the morning and decide that today is going to be a good day and I walk out the bedroom door and kick my toe, two adjacent possibilities are present. I could either get angry and say to myself, 'If that's how my day is starting, the rest is going to be a disaster!' OR I could silently scold myself for being clumsy and just tell myself to be more careful in future. If I had reacted angrily without thinking it would have been an emotional reaction. Some of us go through our whole day reacting to every situation as it occurs in which case we are living a reactionary emotional existence.
“The vast possibilities of our great future will become realities only if we make ourselves responsible for that future.” - Gifford Pinchot
To start becoming responsible for our own lives, we need to understand how life really works. I could buy the most powerful computer in the world, but it would just be piece of junk if I didn't know how to use it. I often have discussions about my belief system, and I have often been told my mind is 'too open'. All I want to find out is the truth, and to find the truth I have to have an open mind. Why do I want to find out the truth? Because I want to live the best life I possibly can, and to do that I need to get as close to my creator as I possibly can. But that's a discussion all on it's own!
“Stop thinking in terms of limitations and start thinking in terms of possibilities” - Terry Josephson
Every time I need to make a conscious decision I remind myself of the adjacent possibilities, and I always try to choose the thoughts that bring me feelings of joy and happiness, and if something bad is happening and I feel I have no control over it, I look for the lesson or the best possible outcome and then I let it go. Why don't you start choosing your thoughts and emotional reactions, it really is empowering, and the more you do it, the easier it becomes, just like any other habit.
“The optimist lives on the peninsula of infinite possibilities; the pessimist is stranded on the island of perpetual indecision.” - William Arthur Ward
“Limitations live only in our minds. But if we use our imaginations, our possibilities become limitless.” - Jamie Paolinetti
Monday, February 2, 2009
Control
Before I get to this weeks article I would like to invite all of you to join my social network. I have created an online social network for 'Creative Living'. It's similar to facebook, once you have signed up you can start discussions, download photo's, video, etc. The reason I started it is for like minded people to connect and discuss some of the concepts I write about, ask questions and share experiences. It's going to be interesting to see just how many of my readers join, it'll be an indication as to how many really want to learn how to create their own life and how many like being controlled...., which brings me to this weeks article. To sign up, click here.
"What I do say is that no man is good enough to govern another man without that other's consent." - Abraham Lincoln
How many of us are in some form of relationship where one person tries to exert control over the other? Many years ago, in my very first serious relationship I was the one doing the controlling. Back then I was incredibly insecure, and I could never quite understand why my partner was with me. What was such a lovely person doing with little old me? So, I tried control what she wore, what she ate, who she spoke to, what she did with her money, what she did with her spare time. I basically tried to control her life. My logic at the time was that the more control I had over her the more she belonged to me. Rather scary how our minds and our ego can trick us. Fortunately I learnt a lot from that relationship and a few others and I am now secure enough to understand that my wife is with me because of who I am.
"No one can drive us crazy unless we give them the keys." - Doug Horton
No human being has the right to control another, there are no wedding vows out there that mention control. I know a lot of people who are in relationships where the one person controls the other person by manipulating certain conditions. Generally the person doing the controlling is insecure about something in their life, they might not even be aware of it. (The ego is very cunning). And sometimes the one being controlled is totally aware of the controlling and accepts it for some or other reason, usually fear of what life might be like if they decided to end the relationship.
In my humble opinion, ending the relationship should only be done once all other alternatives have been explored, counselling is usually the best one can do, if you can find a good counsellor. Of course, trying to get the insecure partner to agree to counselling can be quite tricky, they generally believe all the problems are their partners.
In a nutshell, never give your freedom away, and if you decide to, make the most of your decision. Stop complaining about it, and get on with living. We can create the life of our dreams, we just need to start believing we can.
"He who controls others may be powerful, but he who has mastered himself is mightier still." - Tao Te Ching
"What I do say is that no man is good enough to govern another man without that other's consent." - Abraham Lincoln
How many of us are in some form of relationship where one person tries to exert control over the other? Many years ago, in my very first serious relationship I was the one doing the controlling. Back then I was incredibly insecure, and I could never quite understand why my partner was with me. What was such a lovely person doing with little old me? So, I tried control what she wore, what she ate, who she spoke to, what she did with her money, what she did with her spare time. I basically tried to control her life. My logic at the time was that the more control I had over her the more she belonged to me. Rather scary how our minds and our ego can trick us. Fortunately I learnt a lot from that relationship and a few others and I am now secure enough to understand that my wife is with me because of who I am.
"No one can drive us crazy unless we give them the keys." - Doug Horton
No human being has the right to control another, there are no wedding vows out there that mention control. I know a lot of people who are in relationships where the one person controls the other person by manipulating certain conditions. Generally the person doing the controlling is insecure about something in their life, they might not even be aware of it. (The ego is very cunning). And sometimes the one being controlled is totally aware of the controlling and accepts it for some or other reason, usually fear of what life might be like if they decided to end the relationship.
In my humble opinion, ending the relationship should only be done once all other alternatives have been explored, counselling is usually the best one can do, if you can find a good counsellor. Of course, trying to get the insecure partner to agree to counselling can be quite tricky, they generally believe all the problems are their partners.
In a nutshell, never give your freedom away, and if you decide to, make the most of your decision. Stop complaining about it, and get on with living. We can create the life of our dreams, we just need to start believing we can.
"He who controls others may be powerful, but he who has mastered himself is mightier still." - Tao Te Ching
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