Self esteem (my story)

“You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection.” - Buddha

How do you know if have low self esteem? Do you ever compare yourself to someone else, someone you know or someone famous? If you do, you may have low self esteem. But don't feel bad, you are not alone, most of the worlds population share this affliction.

So much has been written about this subject and there are so many courses out there on how to develop your self esteem. I have to ask, Why do so many of us suffer from low self esteem? Unfortunately no one knows the answer, there are a lot of theories out there, but no one knows the root cause. If someone did, we would all be cured. I do know this, the media feed on the populations low self esteem. Most advertising focuses on making you feel like a better person if you buy and use their product. And it usually does, but not permanently.

“To wish you were someone else is to waste the person you are.” - Unknown

Your self esteem can only be changed by you, from inside you. I have had low self esteem for as long as I can remember, I only realised this a few years ago, and the hardest thing I had to do was admit it to myself. I was always doing things to please others, always agreeing with what they said, and if I didn't agree I would just keep quiet. I just wanted to be liked by everyone. I believed that what other people thought of me defined who I was. Thankfully I have realised how wrong that is.

The first thing I had to do was love and respect myself, and it doesn't just happen overnight, it takes effort. Then I had to stop worrying about what other people would think about what I was saying or doing. Something that helped me here was realising that people don't actually think about me that often, they've got too much other stuff going on in their lives. What a relief that was! Then came the hard part.....

I had to accept that I was going to loose some friends with my new beliefs. They liked the old me, the me that made them feel good about themselves. The new me might not be quite as pleasing to them. This was a really tough predicament to deal with. What it made me realise was that the true friends would stick by me no matter what, the rest weren't true friends to begin with. Another plus was that I would meet more people who would like me for me.
“To establish true self-esteem we must concentrate on our successes and forget about the failures and the negatives in our lives.” - Denis Waitley

That's my low self esteem story, and here's how I try and look at things to better my self esteem.
- when I want to say or do something, I don't ask myself, 'What will other people think?'. I ask myself, 'Is it right or wrong?". (read my blog on right or wrong for more about this)
- if someone disagrees with what I am saying or doing, it doesn't mean it is wrong. Not everyone is going to agree with me all the time. (we are all at different stages of development in our own lives)
- just because everyone else is doing it a certain way, doesn't mean it's right. This herd mentality is detrimental to society in more ways than I can explain in this article. (see my blog on paradigms and perceptions)

My self esteem is not nearly where I would like it to be, but it will be soon. Where is yours?

“Believe in your dreams and they may come true; believe in yourself and they will come true.” - Unknown

“The greatest difficulty is that men do not think enough of themselves, do not consider what it is that they are sacrificing when they follow in a herd, or when they cater for their establishment” - Ralph Waldo Emerson

“Why compare yourself with others? No one in the entire world can do a better job of being you than you.” - Unknown