Limitations

“Our limitations and success will be based, most often, on your own expectations for ourselves. What the mind dwells upon, the body acts upon.” - Denis Waitley

With young Adam keeping me so busy I haven't had much time to write an article this week, so I am borrowing something that a good friend of mine sent me. While I am totally against animals in captivity, this story really helps us realize the truth about ourselves. We might be a technically advancing species, but when it comes to our own potential, we have sadly forgotten our own abilities.

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Change

This weeks article is slightly different thanks firstly to the birth of my son Adam on Friday morning and secondly a realization I had along my journey of self development.











“Other things may change us, but we start and end with family” - Anthony Brandt

Firstly, along with the birth of my first child comes a whole lot of change, and I can either embrace it or stress myself out and resist it. And the same applies to all aspects of change. A lot of us are so comfortable with our life as it is that the minute something happens that takes us out of our comfort zone we become anxious, which leads to stress, which leads to health problems, which leads to more stress, until one day we are so worked up we can't even remember where it all started. The sooner we can all learn to embrace change, the sooner we will find peace and harmony, after all, change is inevitable and there is nothing we can do to stop it. Think of a surfer, the difficult part is fighting against the waves and getting out to the breakers, the easy part is riding the wave back to the shore. So ride the waves of change in life, and have fun doing it.
“Life is change. Growth is optional. Choose wisely.” - Karen Kaiser Clark

Secondly, my blog has always been about how we are responsible for our own lives, which we are, but I have come to realize we are cannot create our life alone. My wife and I did not create Adam alone, we had help, our creator helped us create a new life. We co-created. With this realization comes more change. I will be renaming my blog to 'Co-Creative Living' and at the same time I will be gradually moving it to a new system, one which I find more flexible and easier to use. To check it out click here. (Let me know what you think of my new blog please...)

“Change is the only constant” - Proverb quotes

I look forward to sharing many more articles on Co-Creative Living with you, have an awesome week.

Patience

“The key to everything is patience. You get the chicken by hatching the egg, not by smashing it.” - Arnold H. Glasgow

Well, with the due date for Baby Thomas past, I thought I'd write about something we need a lot of at the moment. And something a lot of us have very little of these days. It seems to me that the whole world has gone mad, everything is such a rush, and I know from experience that when you rush things mistakes happen.

I haven't always been a patient person, but living on London for 2 years helped me become a lot more patient. When I first got there the public transport system used to raise my stress levels far too much, but after a few months I realized that there was nothing I could do about the late trains, tubes & buses. So I would just pull out my book and read. Why is it that we let things we have no control over stress us out so much? Are we all becoming control freaks? I'd love to read your thoughts on this...

“Have patience with all things, but chiefly have patience with yourself.” - St. Francis de Sales

Having learnt a bit of patience when it comes to external matters was relatively easy, being patient with myself was another matter completely. Until recently I hadn't even realize I was being impatient with myself. Thankfully my wife pointed it out to me. I have been reading loads of self development books and wondering why life hasn't changed dramatically. The reason..., I was trying too hard and trying to change too much at once. So, I have stopped reading too many books, I am reading an intensely spiritual book at the moment, which is probably going to take me 2 years to complete, but as I have realized, there is no rush when it comes to living life.

“Patience is necessary, and one cannot reap immediately where one has sown.” - Soren Kierkegaard

When you plant a seed, do you dig it up all the time to see what is going on, to check whether it is growing or not? (If you do, let me know, I'd love to chat to you.) We plant the seed in good soil and water it trusting that it will grow in it's own time. So why don't we trust that life will treat us the same way? I'm not saying we must become lazy and just sit around and wait for things to happen, do what can be done and trust that the results will come at exactly the right time. The minute we become impatient, we become stressful, and when we are stressful we are not in tune with the universe.

“He that can have patience, can have what he will.” - Benjamin Franklin

“The principle part of faith is patience.” - George MacDonald

I believe that if we could all learn to be patient with ourselves and with others we could spread a lot more peace and harmony on this wonderful planet of ours. I hope you start believing it too....

Our true self

"Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind." - Dr. Suess

Do we really know ourselves, our true selves? Or do we only know the person we have become through years of conditioning? We were all born perfect, but then, in those first few months of our lives our conditioning starts. Our family and close family friends start pointing out our imperfections. And this carries on for the rest of our lives, and eventually we start believing what our family and friends say to be the truth. So what do we do? We start behaving in ways that will help us fit in with what is considered 'normal'.

I look back on my life and wonder where I would be today is I had done things differently. I have always been shy and what is considered a bit of an introvert. To try and counteract my shyness I did things to try and 'fit' in. I started smoking at a young age, not because I enjoyed it, but because the 'friends' I had at the time were doing it. I started drinking at a young age too, this helped me overcome my shyness and I believed made me more like able, I was more 'fun' to be with. I even started saying and doing things that were out of character, all just to try and get people to like me.

"Don't compromise yourself. You are all you've got." - Janis Joplin

Now that I have decided to try and discover my true self my life has become really tricky. All the friends I have made have started changing their opinion about me and sadly our friendships are no longer what they used to be. I'm not as much 'fun' to be with as I used to be. I'm even considered "arrogant" and "a know it all" by some. Luckily, what matters most to me is what I think of myself and I know my true friends will always be around.

"I was once afraid of people saying, "Who does she think she is?" Now I have the courage to stand and say, "This is who I am."" - Oprah Winfrey

So why are we constantly trying to live up to other peoples expectations? Why are we constantly trying to "keep up with the Jone's"? The answer is simple, but scary. Our ego convinces us that we will be happy if more people like us and if we have what "the Jone's" have. There is a common misconception that only men have an ego, every single one of us has an ego. Most of us are our ego. I have yet to meet a person who has shed their ego.

"Too many people spend money they haven't earned, to buy things they don't want, to impress people they don't like." - Will Rogers

Most people reading this will feel offended in some way, that's the ego's self defense mechanism kicking in. Feel good?

"Until you make peace with who you are, you'll never be content with what you have." - Doris Mortman

So how do we discover our true selves? And why would we want to? All it takes is a decision, once the decision has been taken, our inner guidance takes over. The reason, inner peace. Have you ever seen a new born sleeping? Can you imagine experiencing the inner peace that the new born is experiencing? It is possible. Imagine waking up in the morning not having to worry about a thing, doing what you want to do, not what you feel you have to do. It is possible...., we just need to discover our true self.

"Few are those who see with their own eyes and feel with their own hearts." - Albert Einstein

"Your vision will become clear only when you look into your heart. Who looks outside, dreams. Who looks inside, awakens." - Carl Jung

Resentment

“Resentment is one burden that is incompatible with your success. Always be the first to forgive; and forgive yourself first always.” - Dan Zadra

What is resentment? Well, according to the Wikipedia, "Resentment (also called rancour, or ranklement) is an emotion of anger or bitterness felt repeatedly, as a result of a real, or imagined, wrong done."

The end bit is quite interesting, "...a real or imagined wrong done." Some of us have resentment for events that didn't even happen, we just imagined them, or we perceived a situation in an incorrect way. Such is the power of the human mind.

“Resentment is like taking poison and waiting for the other person to die.” - Malachy McCourt

I battle to understand why us humans cling to resentment so strongly. Our resentment towards others does nothing but damage ourselves. Do you think the person, or persons you are harbouring resentment towards are affected in any way? They just carry on with their lives as they would usually, while you are slowly killing yourself. Yes, resentment can actually kill you. How? Did you know that every single human being is born with the possibility of developing cancer? And before I go any further, let me upset your world even more, cancer is a disease of the mind, not the body. This is where most of you either stop reading or put up your defenses, because I have just challenged a belief you have held for so long, and your beliefs make life comfortable....

Have you ever wondered why, with all the advances in modern medicine, there is still no cure for cancer? And there never will be a medical cure, the cure will be one of understanding. Cancer is your bodies way of telling you there is something wrong with your mind, something wrong with your thinking. And resentment is the main cause for cancer. In the movie, "You Can Heal Your Life" a woman is interviewed. She did research on finding out what the common thread was in people who had been cured of cancer, of course the answer was that they changed the way they thought, about themselves and life. So, before you disagree with what I'm writing, do some research of your own.

“Hanging onto resentment is letting someone you despise live rent-free in your head” - Ann Landers

So how do we let go of resentment? Forgiveness is the only way, forgiveness of yourself and others. To forgive someone, you don't have to physically go up to them and tell them, although it would help, you can just forgive them in your own mind. How do you know if you have truly forgiven? The person or situation wont dominate your thoughts as much and you will feel a slight shift towards joy.

Some of us harbour resentment so deeply in our subconscious that we aren't even aware of it, but sooner or later, your body will let you know, and if it does, do the hard work, you're worth it.

"When you hold resentment toward another, you are bound to that person or condition by an emotional link that is stronger than steel. Forgiveness is the only way to dissolve that link and get free." - Catherine Ponder

Problems

“Don't tell your problems to people: eighty percent don't care; and the other twenty percent are glad you have them” - Lou Holtz

We all have problems, some of us have bigger, more complicated problems than others, or so we think. You see, all problems are relative, relative to the person perceiving the problems, and relative to the situation. Why is it that we like to talk about our problems so much, and why is it that we all feel so empowered when talking to others about their problems? I have always wondered why people talk about the same problems over and over again, and I found a simple explanation in an unlikely book. People enjoy their problems, and they enjoy talking about their problems because it makes them feel united, it's almost like a bonding experience.

The really sad thing is that when you ask someone what they have done about a certain problem, most of them will say they don't know what to do. And even sadder is that they haven't even bothered to try and find out what can be done. The only logical explanation to that can be that the problem really isn't a problem, just something they like to talk about....... or is it?

“People don’t want their lives fixed. Nobody wants their problems solved. Their dramas. Their distractions. Their stories resolved. Their messes cleaned up. Because what would they have left? Just the big scary unknown.” - Chuck Palahniuk

This quote explains a lot. Some of us can't imagine what our lives would be like if we didn't have problems, what on earth would we talk about? What would we do with our spare time? Some of us are even defined by our problems. So what types of problems are there?
Financial problems - possible solution, adjust your current lifestyle?
Health problems - possible solution, seek advice from a trustworthy source?
Weight problems - possible solution, change your diet, start exercising, see a dietitian?
Relationship problems - possible solution, seek counselling?
Personal problems - possible solution, life coaching?
Work problems - possible solution, change your career, job, speak to HR?
The list goes on......, but what we all need to realize is that there is always a solution to a problem, no matter how big it may seem at the time.

“Focus 90% of your time on solutions and only 10% of your time on problems.” - Anthony J. D'Angelo

Most of us spend most of our time mulling over a problem trying to find a solution, and most of the time when we stop mulling, the solution comes to us. I often catch myself getting stuck on a problem, so I decide to take a break or do something else for a few minutes and the answer usually comes to me, and I also always try to look at things differently, which really annoys my family and friends. A lot of my family and friends will see a problem and I'll see a solution, the reason they get annoyed, well, they can't talk about the problem any more.....

“We can't solve problems by using the same kind of thinking we used when we created them.” - Albert Einstein

Now for the controversial part of my article. Did you know that most of the problems we have in our lives we created ourselves? 'But I didn't cause the current global financial crisis!' you may say. Well actually, you did, we all did in some small way. The human race is responsible for it and if you aren't part of the human race, I'd love to meet you. And the more personal the problem, the more responsible we are. Take our health for example, unless the problem is hereditary, we are responsible for it. (Even hereditary problems can be cured if done correctly!)

“The way we see the problem is the problem” - Stephen R. Covey

So why are there problems? I believe problems exist to let us know we are doing something wrong. If I have a health problem, it's my bodies way of telling me there is something wrong with my thinking. You see, only our mind can create, our body can't create without our mind telling it to do so. If I have a financial problem, it's because I have been creating lack in my life, and so on...

Take responsibility for your life, start by being grateful for what you have, stop giving your problems so much power over your life by talking about them less, and try to see the positive side to seemingly negative situations. Your problems will gradually start to disappear, and you can enjoy life on this wonderful planet we call home. That's why we are here, to enjoy our lives!
I leave you this week with one of my favourite quotes...

“If your happiness depends on what somebody else does, I guess you do have a problem.” - Richard Bach

Beliefs

“I would never die for my beliefs because I might be wrong.” - Bertrand Russell

Oh boy, this is a really touchy subject, but one I love to discuss. Did you know that there are over 40 religions in the world? Which one is right? Well, that all depends on who you are talking to. If you are talking to a Christian, obviously Christianity must be right, if you are talking to a Jew, then Judaism must be right, and so on.... and yes, there are extremists who will die to defend their beliefs.

What would happen to society if a discovery was made that proved all religions to be wrong in their teachings? Would us humans be able to cope? You see, all religious beliefs are based on faith, none of us were there to witness what actually happened so we believe what we are told, and the sad thing is, this extends beyond religion. I could start a rumour right now and if I could get enough people to believe it, it wouldn't matter if it was the truth or not.

“If you don't change your beliefs, your life will be like this forever. Is that good news?” - William Somerset Maugham

The good news is that we can change our beliefs whenever we want to. (In the past we might have been burned on the cross! Isn't it a shame that humans were killed by other humans because their beliefs didn't conform to the norm at the time....) And I'm not only talking about religious beliefs, I'm talking about self beliefs too.

I was raised as a christian and went to an Anglican church, but I never felt comfortable going to an Anglican church, so I started going to a non-denominational church which I really enjoyed for a while. Now I don't go to church at all because there are just some aspects and teachings I feel uncomfortable with. Does this make me a bad person? The sad thing is, you are probably judging me as you read this, doing the exact opposite of what the bible teaches.

"Judge not, and ye shall not be judged: condemn not, and ye shall not be condemned: forgive, and ye shall be forgiven:" - Luke 6:37

Enough about religious beliefs, lets get to self beliefs. If I believe I am useless at something, guess what, I will be. It doesn't matter if all my family and friends tell me otherwise, what I believe is what really matters.

“All personal breakthroughs begin with a change in beliefs.” - Anthony Robbins

Most of our self beliefs come from the way we were raised as children. Fortunately as adults we have the power to believe whatever we want to, the problem is that most of us are unaware of our self beliefs. To find out what our self beliefs are, we need to ask some pretty difficult questions, and even more importantly, answer them honestly!
Do I respect myself?
Does it show in the way I behave?
Does it show in the way I dress?
Does it show in the way I eat & drink?
Do I love myself? (not the arrogant kind of love, the caring kind of love.)
Does it show in my love for others?
Am I a good partner/husband/wife/father/mother?
Am I good at my job?

The list goes on....

If you are in a relationship, ask your partner to answer the questions too, if there are any differences, they need to be discussed. It's no good if I believe I'm a good husband and my wife disagrees. And don't let the discussion become emotional, it's just a discussion, not a life threatening event.

“The outer conditions of a person's life will always be found to reflect their inner beliefs.” - James Allen

"Just because you believe it, doesn't mean it's the truth." - Brynn Thomas

"Believe and your belief will create the fact." - William James

I read some disturbing news yesterday. More humans have died at the hands of other humans than through natural disasters!
What is wrong with us?