Self esteem (my story)

“You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection.” - Buddha

How do you know if have low self esteem? Do you ever compare yourself to someone else, someone you know or someone famous? If you do, you may have low self esteem. But don't feel bad, you are not alone, most of the worlds population share this affliction.

So much has been written about this subject and there are so many courses out there on how to develop your self esteem. I have to ask, Why do so many of us suffer from low self esteem? Unfortunately no one knows the answer, there are a lot of theories out there, but no one knows the root cause. If someone did, we would all be cured. I do know this, the media feed on the populations low self esteem. Most advertising focuses on making you feel like a better person if you buy and use their product. And it usually does, but not permanently.

“To wish you were someone else is to waste the person you are.” - Unknown

Your self esteem can only be changed by you, from inside you. I have had low self esteem for as long as I can remember, I only realised this a few years ago, and the hardest thing I had to do was admit it to myself. I was always doing things to please others, always agreeing with what they said, and if I didn't agree I would just keep quiet. I just wanted to be liked by everyone. I believed that what other people thought of me defined who I was. Thankfully I have realised how wrong that is.

The first thing I had to do was love and respect myself, and it doesn't just happen overnight, it takes effort. Then I had to stop worrying about what other people would think about what I was saying or doing. Something that helped me here was realising that people don't actually think about me that often, they've got too much other stuff going on in their lives. What a relief that was! Then came the hard part.....

I had to accept that I was going to loose some friends with my new beliefs. They liked the old me, the me that made them feel good about themselves. The new me might not be quite as pleasing to them. This was a really tough predicament to deal with. What it made me realise was that the true friends would stick by me no matter what, the rest weren't true friends to begin with. Another plus was that I would meet more people who would like me for me.
“To establish true self-esteem we must concentrate on our successes and forget about the failures and the negatives in our lives.” - Denis Waitley

That's my low self esteem story, and here's how I try and look at things to better my self esteem.
- when I want to say or do something, I don't ask myself, 'What will other people think?'. I ask myself, 'Is it right or wrong?". (read my blog on right or wrong for more about this)
- if someone disagrees with what I am saying or doing, it doesn't mean it is wrong. Not everyone is going to agree with me all the time. (we are all at different stages of development in our own lives)
- just because everyone else is doing it a certain way, doesn't mean it's right. This herd mentality is detrimental to society in more ways than I can explain in this article. (see my blog on paradigms and perceptions)

My self esteem is not nearly where I would like it to be, but it will be soon. Where is yours?

“Believe in your dreams and they may come true; believe in yourself and they will come true.” - Unknown

“The greatest difficulty is that men do not think enough of themselves, do not consider what it is that they are sacrificing when they follow in a herd, or when they cater for their establishment” - Ralph Waldo Emerson

“Why compare yourself with others? No one in the entire world can do a better job of being you than you.” - Unknown

Magnetism

'You are the most powerful magnet in the universe! You contain a magnetic power within you that is more powerful than anything in this world, and this unfathomable magnetic power is emitted through your thoughts.'
- Rhonda Byrne

In this quote you are compared to a magnet, and rightly so. Firstly let me explain how a magnet works. A magnet is a type of metal that generates a magnetic field, you can't see this field, but it is there. This field attracts materials with common or similar properties. A magnet will not attract lead, aluminium & stainless steel because these metals have different properties to magnets. The important point is this, you can't see the magnetic field with the naked eye, but it is there.

Your brain generates electrical pulses at varying frequencies 24 hours a day, these are commonly known as brain waves, (beta, alpha, theta and delta). What happens to these brain waves, do they just disappear into thin air? Fortunately they don't, your brain waves are like a magnetic field, they attract everything into your life. This is commonly known as the law of attraction.

Why do people struggle to believe this? They believe a magnet works, yet they can't see the magnetic field. I believe that us human beings don't like responsibility. If you believe the law of attraction works, then you have to believe that you create your own life experiences, the good and the bad. And very few people can admit to attracting bad things into their life.

Here's the beauty of the law of attraction, imagine the type of life you can create for yourself if you can learn to control your thoughts. What good does a negative thought do? So why think it? You can't help it...., well then I'm afraid you no longer control your life, your ego does.

Now the really scary part. The law of attraction is a law, like magnetism and gravity. It works whether you believe in it or not. So it would be really wise of you to learn how to use this law properly and create the life of your dreams.

If you want to be loved, be a loving person;
If you want happiness, be a happy person;
If you want to be wealthy, think wealthy thoughts;
If you want to be healthy, think healthy thoughts;
the list goes on....

It all starts with you!

'When you change the way you look at things - the things you look at change.' - Dr. Wayne W. Dyer

Breathe

“Breathe. Let go. And remind yourself that this very moment is the only one you know you have for sure.”
- Oprah Winfrey

Breathing, something taken for granted and yet so important for survival. You can live without food and water for a few days, but try and live for a few minutes without breathing.
And it's not just breathing, but how we breathe that is of vital importance.

Have you ever stopped and observed your breathing? Do it now. Is it short and shallow? Or is it long and deep? By observing your breathing you will be able to tell whether you are relaxed, or stressed and anxious. Long, deep breathes indicate a relaxed state. Any form of meditation or exercise focus firstly on breathing, that's how important it is. If you are breathing in short, shallow bursts it means you are stressed or anxious about something.

The first thing you need to do is start breathing deeply, and concentrate on your breathing, I mean really concentrate. Firstly, make sure you are sitting or standing upright, your spine nice and straight. Then make sure your shoulders are back and your chest open, not hollow or hunched. Then breathe, feel the air flowing through your nostrils and filling up your lungs, breathe in until your lungs are full, really full.... then exhale slowly. Keep doing this until you start feeling relaxed, actually, keep doing this for the rest of your life, the benefits are immense.

Please note, the first time you start doing this, you might feel slightly light headed, that's because your body and mind are not used to so much oxygen, and it is a great indicator that you don't breathe properly.

If you are having trouble falling asleep, concentrate on your breathing, and don't give up after a few minutes, keep it up, you will eventually fall asleep. It's a known fact that when we sleep we naturally breathe more deeply and rhythmically than when awake. That's because when we sleep our body and mind renews itself, and the more oxygen we give it the better.
But if we could breathe like that while awake, imagine the benefits.

And it's not just how we breathe, but what we breathe. The better the quality of air the better your body can use it.

I am an ex-smoker, and they say we are the worst when it comes to being around smokers. I just wish the smokers I know could feel the benefits I feel from quitting. Our bodies are designed in a way that we breathe in air through our lungs and our lungs absorb oxygen into our blood stream and it is transported to every single cell. Unfortunately, everything else gets absorbed with the oxygen. And the list of chemicals is scary.
The quality of air we breathe while sleeping is even more important, so if you sleep with you bedroom door closed it might explain why you don't feel refreshed in the morning. The ideal is to sleep near an open window, and even better if there is a slight draft. Unfortunately, living conditions in most countries don't allow this.

So, stop taking breathing for granted and breathe your way to better health.

“To insure good health: eat lightly, breathe deeply, live moderately, cultivate cheerfulness, and maintain an interest in life.”
- William Londen

“When you arise in the morning, think of what a precious privilege it is to be alive - to breathe, to think, to enjoy, to love.”
- Marcus Aurelius

Fear less, hope more; Eat less, chew more; Whine less, breathe more; Talk less, say more; Love more, and all good things will be yours”
- Swedish Proverb

Paradigms & perceptions

"Just because something has always been done in a certain way is never a sufficient reason for continuing to do it that way."
- Clarence Birdseye

This quote explains a paradigm in a simple way, and the attached cartoon in an even simpler way. (to view the cartoon more clearly, just click on the image, it will open in a new window)

According to Merriam-Webster's Dictionary, a paradigm is "a philosophical and theoretical framework of a scientific school or discipline within which theories, laws, and generalizations and the experiments performed in support of them are formulated; broadly: a philosophical or theoretical framework of any kind."

In a sense, we each have our own set of paradigms or glasses through which we view the world. These personal viewpoints of the "way things are" may cloud our ability to perceive or consider new or different ideas, especially if they seem to be in conflict with our perception of what is reality or "truth."

My question is this, how many paradigms are there, and why do we accept them so easily?

"All our knowledge has its origins in our perceptions."
- Leonardo da Vinci

A lot of what we believe and the way we do things has been passed down through the ages, from our distant relatives, or a committee or organization created the paradigm. We are even born with certain perceptions already programmed into our thinking. It is only as we get older we can start to question things. (if we want to)

"What you see depends on what you thought before you looked."
- Eugene Taurman

The problem with paradigms and perceptions is that it tends to narrow our thinking and close our minds. We make decisions before we have even heard the other side, especially if it challenges a belief we have had for some time.

"With most men, unbelief in one thing springs from blind belief in another."
- Georg Christoph Lichtenberg

One of the most concerning paradigms for me, is one created by certain churches. The belief that if you don't walk the straight and narrow you will suffer the wrath of God. That basically means we will all suffer the wrath of God, because all of us sin at one point in our life. I believe in a loving God, I believe God is pure love, nothing else and he will never get angry with any of his children. I strive to be more like Him and be loving and kind to all I know and meet.

I would love to hear about more paradigms that annoy you, I know there are plenty out there...

Right or wrong?

"The truth of the matter is that you always know the right thing to do. The hard part is doing it."
- Norman Shwarzkopf

So how do you know if what you are doing or saying is right or wrong? (It really is very simple, we tend to always over complicate it.)

There are only two questions you need to ask yourself.

1. Would my creator do or say it? And remember, God only does things out of love, because he is pure love, nothing else. And when asking yourself this question, you mustn't only consider your love for someone else, but also your love for yourself. (This might sound arrogant or selfish, but I'm talking about a respectful love, not a vain type of love, after all, how can you truly love someone else without loving yourself?)

2. Would I like it if someone else did or said to me what I'm about to do or say? And here you have to be really honest with yourself, because you might think you would be OK, but would you really?

If after asking yourself these two questions you still aren't sure, ask someone you really trust their opinion, and never blame that person if their advise turns out to be wrong. It's not their fault you asked them, and you decided to use their advise.

"No man should judge unless he asks himself in absolute honesty whether in a similar situation he might not have done the same."
- Victor Frankl

"Always do right! This will gratify some people and astonish the rest."
- Mark Twain

"There is no right way to do wrong."
- Unknown

Self control, a dying art

“You cannot control what happens to you, but you can control your attitude toward what happens to you, and in that, you will be mastering change rather than allowing it to master you.”
- Brian Tracy

This is a tough one for most of us, myself included. Self control needs to be used in many situations, in this article I am going to focus on arguments.

So why do most arguments begin? There are a number of reasons, but the most common one is a difference of opinion. When you are in a relationship, whether it be a friendship, marriage, family or business there will always be differing opinions. Arguments normally start when you have a different opinion to someone else and one of you is trying to enforce your point of view on the other. An argument can be resolved on the spot or it can become very heated, even abusive (emotionally & physically), depending on the topic of the argument. And when the argument is over and all the wrong things have been said and done we adopt a blame mentality, if we got frustrated or angry we blame the other person. “You made me say …...” Or “You made me angry.” Or “Why can’t you see things my way?” The main reason we do this is that accepting responsibility for our own actions means we have to admit we lost control, and that takes a lot of courage.

When there is a difference of opinion, is it really that important that the other person agree with your opinion? Is your opinion the only one, and is it right? Why?

As a matter of fact, you have no right to force someone else to see things your way; it goes against the whole concept of free will. Respect the other persons individuality, and if your opinion is the right one, the other person might agree with it one day, they might not, it’s really not that important.

I am learning to adopt a new attitude which is very difficult for all my friends and family to accept. I voice my opinion, if someone agrees that’s great, if someone doesn’t that’s also great, but I am not going get all emotionally worked up about it. And if I’m wrong, I’ll admit it, there’s nothing wrong with being wrong, none of us can be right ALL the time no matter how much we would like to believe it.

Start exercising the art self control today and see how YOUR life changes.

“The fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law.” - Galatians 5:22

Save our home

“Our loyalties are to the species and the planet. We speak for Earth. Our obligation to survive is owed not just to ourselves but also to that Cosmos, ancient and vast, from which we spring.”
- Dr. Carl Sagan

Save our home, and by home I don't mean the building you reside in, I mean our home, planet earth.

Here is something to think about....

"I'd like to share a revelation that I've had during my time here. It came to me when I tried to classify your species. I've realized that you are not actually mammals. Every mammal on this planet instinctively develops a natural equilibrium with the surrounding environment. But you humans do not. You move to an area and you multiply and multiply until every natural resource is consumed and the only way you can survive is to spread to another area. There is another organism on this planet that follows the same pattern. Do you know what it is? A virus."
- Agent Smith, from "The Matrix"

Agent Smith refers to us as a virus, I think we behave more like parasites. Here is the definition of a parasite or parasitism taken from the wikipedia:

Parasitism is a type of symbiotic relationship between organisms of different species in which one, the parasite, benefits from a prolonged, close association with the other, the host, which is harmed. In general, parasites are much smaller than their hosts, show a high degree of specialization for their mode of life and reproduce more quickly and in greater numbers than their hosts.

Very similar to what agent Smith said.

So how do we start behaving like humans again and develop a mutual relationship with our planet, which is actually what God has given us the responsibility to do?

I believe we need to change our attitude, it seems to me that we have become extremely selfish as a species. The planet won't be destroyed in our lifetime so why should we worry about it. What we don't realize is that what we teach our children, will be taught to their children, and so on.

Here is another analogy to ponder. Planet earth has got cancer, and the cancer cells are known as humans.
Here is the definition of cancer taken from the wikipedia:

Cancer (medical term: malignant neoplasm) is a class of diseases in which a group of cells display the traits of uncontrolled growth (growth and division beyond the normal limits), invasion (intrusion on and destruction of adjacent tissues), and sometimes metastasis (spread to other locations in the body via lymph or blood).

I know this whole subject it pretty morbid, but we need to wake up eventually and take responsibilty for our actions. If every person did something small to give thanks to our planet for providing all we need, well, a whole lot of small things leads to one big thing. All you need to do is treat the planet the same way you would treat the home you live in. Start today!